I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
