Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
