Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
