I cockslap morals
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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