My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize