She's JV to your varsity
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
