Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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