She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
