what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
