hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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