Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think my fart just growled at me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
