It's like God shit irony all over that family
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
