Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
