...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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