i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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