using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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