just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
