With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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