Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize