i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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