dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
