Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
