Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
