Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize