I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
