I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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