if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
