To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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