Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
