oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize