So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
