I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
