Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
