what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can you bring me the toilet please
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
