your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
