I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
