Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
