i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
