Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
