i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
