Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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