is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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