She's JV to your varsity
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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