I need help removing her.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
