I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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