apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
