Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I wish there were birth control emojis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
