I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she peed on how many people?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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