Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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