we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
