got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
