my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
