Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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