Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
