Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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