dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
