The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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