I think my fart just growled at me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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