omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
