Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
