So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
