you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
