We need to rekindle our bromance
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
