i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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