remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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