He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
