Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
