Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you inspire me to be a worse person
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
