I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
